Home to Me
by TowMondler
Summary: Chandler tries to fix things with Monica after he makes a huge mistake


~Hi kids! It's me again. I heard this song, and thought not only was it brilliant and so good, but it would make an awesome song for a fic. The fic is a little sad, but it's okay, because life isn't always sunshine and daisies (although that would be awesome if it was!). Don't hate Chandler or the other character, and I think this will be a stand alone unless there is an overwhelming desire for me to add another chapter. Please review, and it would make my day! The song is by Josh Kelley (who is amazing....ironic since that is the name of one of his songs). Enjoy and review. Thanks!_~_

  


Disclaimer: I wrote a little poem: There is a show on tv, with a great script and a girl named Phoebe. They're owned by someone, who is not me . So please don't sue the poor girl from the university. Ha! __

  
  


He stood in front of her door soaking wet. No, it wasn't her door. It was their door. At least, it had been. Now he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure of anything. 

There was only one thing that he was sure of. 

He loved her.

And he wasn't letting her go without a fight. Raising his hand and shivering slightly he knocked twice. The door flew open a moment later and she stood there.

God she was beautiful. Being angry did nothing but make her even more beautiful if that was possible. Her dark hair was thrown back into a messy ponytail and her cheeks were flushed. 

"Hi," was all that he managed to get out. 

"What are you doing here?" That came out harsher than she had intended. He nearly flinched as if the words had physically hit him. 

"I....needed to see you."

"Why?" It was a good question and one that she was entitled to. One that he wasn't sure that he had an acceptable answer for.

"I love you?" She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them slowly and her piercing blue eyes bore into him.

"Is that a question?" She asked. 

"Do you even need to ask?" He replied back. He thought that despite everything he had made it perfectly clear that he still adored her. 

"I think I do, Chandler," she shot back. 

"I love you Monica," he said this time more sure. It was the only thing that he was sure of. He loved her. He adored her. She was his life. 

"Really? Could have fooled me," she spat as she went to slam the door in his face.

"Please don't do that!"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"We need to talk. Can we please just talk?" Monica studied his face and then turned around and glanced at the closed door behind her and then finally nodded.

"Fine. Come in."

"Thank you," he said and as he walked past, he brushed up against her. God, she smelled the same. 

"Do you want a towel?" She asked suddenly noticing that he was soaking wet.

"Sure, thanks. It's a little wet out there," he said looking out the windows at the angry sky. Not actually replying, she nodded and walked into the bathroom and handed him a towel. 

A guest towel. 

Something for which the symbolism was not lost him. He was a guest.

"Is she....is she okay?" He asked nodding his head towards the closed door.

"She's fine."

"How are you?"

"I've been better," she admitted.

"I'm so sorry," he tried.

"You said that already. I don't know what you want me to say? Oh, okay. You're sorry. Okay." 

"Monica."

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"Don't Monica me, as if this is my fault."

"No! This isn't your fault at all....I just had to come and tell you..."

"Tell me what?"

"I love you." She was very quiet for a moment before raising her head and meeting his eye.

"But that doesn't make it better." __

  
  
  


_Isn't it funny how the roads just pass us by?_

_Isn't it crazy how we never get it right?_

_Time is wasted on money_

_money is wasted on lust_

_treat her like a lady_

_and she'll never get enough_

  
  
  


A clap of thunder sent the door that they had both been staring at flying open and a small child came running out.

"Mommy!" She screamed as she hurled herself into Monica's arms. 

"It's okay Lily," Monica whispered holding her four-year-old tightly in her arms. "It's just a storm baby. Just a storm."

"God's bowling, right Momma?"

"Right baby girl," Monica said running her hand over Lily's dark brown hair smoothing out the creases that sleeping had made. 

"Hi Lil," Chandler spoke up quietly.

"Daddy? Daddy!" Lily jumped out of Monica's arms. She ran to her father dragging her bear that Chandler had gotten her the morning she was born, Harper. 

"Hi Princess," he whispered just loving that he was holding her. 

"Where have you been?" Lily asked. Monica gave him a look that clearly read, tell her where you have been Chandler. Tell her why you haven't been here. 

"I've just had some things to take care of sweet girl. But don't you worry about that. How are you?"

"I'm good," Lily grinned at him.

"Honey, you need to go back to bed," Monica spoke up. 

"Mommy's right. You have to go sleep, sweetheart," Chandler said his voice breaking slightly. Lily looked imploringly at her mother, begging her to let her stay up later and be with her father, but Monica held firm.

"Night, Daddy," Lily finally said giving him a final hug as Monica scooped her up into her arms and carried her into her bedroom. Looking over her mother's shoulder, Lily gave her father a small smile as she clung to Harper. 

And it was again that Chandler realized what he was missing and how much he had truly screwed up. __

  
  
  
  


_cause it's you that I'm running to baby_

_cause it's you that I'm feeling for lately_

_it's like a pain that never goes away_

_and it always starts today_

_cause you are home to me_

_cause you are home to me_

_cause you are home to me_

  
  


"Chandler, I don't want to talk to you anymore," Monica said. 

"Why not?"

"Because we've talked about this. We've rehashed it a million times and I can't do it again. It hurts Chandler. It hurts so much."

"Monica."

"No! You've said enough, you've done enough." With that she strode over to the door and pulled it open.

"Please," he begged. 

"Chandler, just go. Please? I can't....I can't do it anymore. I don't have the strength to do it anymore." She began to cry, and it hit him like a sharp pain. He was why she was crying. He had tried so hard not to make her cry, he hated when she cried. And here she was, crying all because of him. It was terrible.

"Monica....I can't let you go."

"You have to," she turned to him, tears glistening in her eyes and running down her cheek. Shaking his head, he moved closer to her. God, how he missed her. She still smelled the same. Perfect. She smelled perfect. It was a scent that he wanted to smell for the rest of his life. A smell that now because of a stupid mistake he may never get to smell again. Or, only on every other weekend when he came to pick up his little girl. 

"Monica, please."

"Chandler, you slept with someone else! How am I supposed to react to that? How am I supposed to trust you again? How am I supposed to live with that knowledge? That the way that you touch me, and the way that you whisper that you love me in my ear, and the way that you hold me, you did to someone else? You held someone else the way that you held me? You touched someone else the way that you touched me? Something that was supposed to be only for me, you shared with someone else! How am I supposed to deal with that? How do I let you touch me without thinking, 'he did this with someone else'?" She was nearly screaming now, and they both knew that Lily would be up in seconds and come running out to find out what was going on.

"I didn't tell her I loved her," he said softly. He needed to clear that up. He had never said those words to her. Her. One of Monica's friends. Why had they done that? What had possibly possessed them to do that? 

He was lonely. Monica and Lily had gone with Rachel and Emma on an all girls weekend. And Phoebe hadn't gone.

"I don't have a daughter," she had shrugged. "I'm not in that little group." Yes, Monica and Rachel both having daughters the same age had sort of pushed Phoebe out. And so she had come over that night. She had come to keep him company. Neither one had meant for it to happen. They began talking about things that they shouldn't have been talking about. Both going over their respective pasts, and this made them unbelievably sad. So to rid themselves of this pain, they began to drink. Drink heavily. Until they couldn't remember their names, and some how they wound up in bed. 

Which was where Monica found them. 

  
  
  


_Isn't it perfect how the memories feel the same?_

_Isn't it amazing how the song remains unchanged?_

_Time is wasted on money_

_money is wasted on lust_

_treat her like a lady _

_and she'll never get enough_

  
  
  


Chandler could remember the look in her eyes. The betrayal. The hurt. And he remembered her words. The words that she threw at him bitterly.

"Get out! I can't look at you the same anymore. Get out of here," she had thrown his clothes at her. And when Phoebe tried to apologize, Monica wouldn't look her in the eye. Tears flowed down her cheeks. 

"Please just leave," she whispered. Chandler tried to pull her to him, but she shook her head and flinched at his touch. "Don't touch me...not after...not after you touched her." These words were said with such poison and venom, that both Chandler and Phoebe felt as if she had punched them in the stomach.

Now she stood in front of him, and he knew that he couldn't win her back. He had screwed up. He had slept with one of her best friends. 

It was unforgivable.

But, oh, how he wished that she would forgive him. 

Because she was....she was his everything. She was his world. And she was his home. And Lily, his baby girl. Would he get to see her? Not like he did now. What he had done had ruined everything. He had ruined everything. And there was no fixing it. He saw that now. He saw that he couldn't change anything. He had come there that night for nothing. It was terrible. It was horrible. 

He wanted to hold her. And he knew that he couldn't. It was possibly the worst feeling in the entire world. 

"Monica. You're right. I need to leave," he turned around and pulled his wet jacket on. Knowing that he had come there in vain, he began to walk towards the door. He heard her soft voice. Turning around he met her eye. 

"It's raining. Why don't you take an umbrella?" 

"It's not that bad."

"Chandler, you'll catch your death out there!" He shrugged. What was life if she wasn't in it? What did it matter if she wasn't next to him? What did he have to save him if she wasn't the first face he saw in the morning and the last voice to hear at night?

"I don't care," he told her and he placed his hand on the doorknob and turned to go. __

  
  


_cause it's you that I'm running to baby_

_cause it's you that I'm feeling for lately_

_it's like a pain that never goes away_

_and it always starts today_

_cause you are home to me_

_cause you are home to me_

_cause you are home to me_

  
  
  
  


Halfway down the stairs, he heard her voice again.

"Chandler?" He turned around and saw her standing at the top, hugging her sweater to herself.

"Yes?"

"We need to talk." His heart nearly skipped a beat. 

"What?"

"We need to talk."

"I thought that you didn't want to talk...not that I'm arguing. I just....whatever you want. I will follow your lead completely." She wanted to talk! She wanted to talk!

"I don't want....I love you." Wait, that was a present tense. She loved him. Still. Despite his mistake. __

"You do? Because Monica, I love you more than anything else. I hold you above everything else...."

"Let me finish," she held up a hand and he stopped rambling. He braced himself for what was going to come. "I don't....I don't know how to not love you. It's instinctive. I love you. That's just it. Bottom line. But I don't know how to forgive you either." Nodding, he began back up the stairs.

"But we can talk?"

"We can talk," she nodded.

"And maybe we can work through this?"

"I'm not promising anything," she said.

"But it's not impossible?"

"You hurt me. Bad. But....I just can't let six, close to seven years of marriage go without somewhat talking it over. I can't let Lily grow up without her parents together without at least talking it over." 

"I'm sorry Monica."

"You said that, a hundred times. I know that you're sorry. I know that Phoebe is sorry. I know that you were both drunk and sad....but Chandler, you still slept with my best friend!"

"I know."

"And I....just...." Placing a hand on her arm, and seeing that for the first time she didn't jump away at his touch, he felt at least a little bit of hope creep in.

"Let's go talk about it okay?"

"Okay," she nodded. "Let's go talk about it." That was all that she could offer. And that was all that he wanted. It was a start. It wasn't spectacular, but it was a start. And he would make her see, he would have to. She was his home. And Dorothy had been right, there was no place like home. And so he would tell her this. He would tell her this and she would understand. 

He was sure of it. 

  
  
  


_cause it's you that I'm running to baby_

_cause it's you that I'm feeling for lately_

_it's like a pain that never goes away_

_and it always starts today_

_cause you are home to me_

_cause you are home to me_

_cause you are home to me_

  
  


~Okay, so again, I think it's going to be a standalone, unless you people really want me to write another chapter. So think it over and get back to me. Okay? Thanks! Review people, please please review!~


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